Apparently, in the United Kingdom, everyone and their brother, especially teenagers have cell phones. They spend their entire day on these devices. They use them to access twitter, facebook, and other social networking sites. They video chat, they text, and they take pictures using these phones. The one thing they do NOT do is talk. Not sure why, but hey, who am I to argue. According to them, I'm just an old man (not that 42 is old. :P).
Anyways, I digress. The point I'm making is that kids in the United Kingdom seem to only interact with each other via these phones. This causes problems with teenagers when they move to a new area (or country) and try to make friends. It seems that if you want to make friends, then they need a cell phone. Here lies a problem. What if you are trying to establish yourself in a new country, don't make a lot of money, and you have a spouse 7000+ miles away waiting for a visa?
One of my teenage daughters asked for a cell phone for her birthday. I told her that if we could afford it I would be happy to get one for her. I understand how hard it can be to make friends without one. However, I also mentioned that there might not be possible and that she should understand that. Well as it goes, Tesco had a great deal on some phones that were going out of stock because they were no longer going to carry them any more.
So my wife and I rushed to Tesco to buy some phones. Everything was going well, until the clerk mentioned something about a credit check. My heart skipped. I told him that might be an issue since I hadn't been in the country very long (less than a year). He immediately was apologetic and said that there was no way I going to pass a credit check because they normally are looking for people who have lived in the country 3 or more years.
So we left empty handed. I went to other network stores, but none of them had a great deal like the Tesco one.
Fast forward about a month. Last night, I was picking up my kids from their youth group at the church. My son said that it was too bad that I had picked them up because it was actually a very nice evening and he kind of thought walking home would be nice. I mentioned that too bad that one of them didn't have a phone they could have called me at home to say not bother.
My statement caused the daughter who wanted a phone for her birthday to go into hissy about not having a fun. For almost two hours she went on and on about how I didn't want them to have friends, how I "promised" her a phone on her birthday, blah blah blah. It went on and on. I snapped and started to yell at her to stop, eventually it ended with me giving her my cell phone. I reset the phone to factory settings and gave it to her.
I feel bad that I am not able to buy a phone for my children. I try my best. For 9 months I was out of work trying to get another job when I was let go from my last one. I banged my head against the wall when I was in Virginia, almost to the point of where I was starting to feel a bit suicidal. I felt like a failure. I felt inadequate. Eventually that led me to leave my family and go to the UK. After 4 months of being in the UK, I finally got a job. I spent all my money to bring my family over to the UK, I found a house, bought a car, and started to find furniture from Freecycle (great service by the way) so that my family could be comfortable when they arrived.
After more than 5 months of separation, I finally was reunited with my family. Life was great...Until my children tried to find friends and this whole thing about cell phones started.
Why is it that kids feel they need a gadget in order for them to make friends? Why not just talk with kids? But they don't. So, because of how our society is now, I now no longer have a cell phone, and I am under pressure to go and buy my other children one as well.
Life is no longer about interaction with people, it is now about interaction with gadgets. Sad.
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ReplyDeleteI do understand what you mean. I hate how society dictates how people communicate but that is how the world works. Once upon a time we all had to travel 100s of miles to speak to someone because there was no postal service. Then that stopped because it was easier and more convenient to send a letter or telegram. Then we got telephones and written letters became less popular, followed by mobile phones which brought about text messages which not only replace voice to voice conversations but also proper written English as it developed it's own ludicrous language without vowels! Facebook and social network sites have all done the same...But it is not just young people, it is society, I suppose this is why we are discussing this on a blog rather than a phone call hey?! And its far from a UK problem, it is most countries, and not only the western countries either.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, if it helps, we had similar arguments with our eldest daughter too, who insisted that she is the only one in the world to not have these things. We eventually gave in on the phone but we compromised with a relatively cheap pay as you go mobile. It doesn't even have internet access! But if that is what they want it for then tough, we all have a computer in our houses which is perfectly capable of linking them to facebook or which ever social network sites they require.
I appreciate that it is very hard for teenagers (girls in particular) to make friends in a new country. Generally kids make friends at school which then expand from there but when that is not an option for them, it can leave very few opportunities to make friends. However I know that does not help. I would suggest that a cheap pay as you go mobile would be best. As much as I hate it and would not suggest it usually, encourage them to add the kids they do meet on their facebook friends list because I believe facebook is extremely popular with teenagers and often social gatherings and general interaction occurs on there. MSN is also a popular form of communication with teenagers so you could encourage them to use that more. Have a party for her birthday so she can invite the kids she does know and maybe find some more youth clubs they could join?
I really do know what she is going through though as I remember vividly how I felt at 13 when I moved to a different country and had to try and make friends. I would suggest and am more than happy to have her over here when ever she likes, she can meet all the teenagers that hang around with our daughter. The only problem is she is not quite the same age as your daughter? They go to a church run youth club each month called 'Vision' so if she would like to go along to that too, then if you could bring her here then we would get her there and bring her home?
All I can really say is keep encouraging her and being proactive in inviting kids over to just hang out etc and she will get there!
Hope some of that helps!
Oh and I am your sister so you are allowed to use a good old fashioned phone to chat any time...as long as it doesn't destroy the street cred!!!!
x
I totally agree. I have a teenage daughter that not only needs a phone to survive but has added the pressure that it has to be a top of the range Blackberry as all the kids have either one of these or an Iphone. This does add pressure as a parent but as one I have managed to get her what she wanted. I know that most people think that this is wrong and we should stand up to them and not give in. I also understand the pressure that the kids have to fit in which is why that I did give in. I made a promise when I had kids that I would not do anything that might make their lives difficult which did include going without myself and giving in to them. I remember vividly how difficult it was to grow up and be different and try to fit in. Moving countries was a way of life for us and we did get use to it but it did make it very difficult it actually meet "friends" as such. As we moved every three to four years we made several "acquantences" but not really friends. I can count on one hand the number of true friends from school that I had made and find that sad.
ReplyDeleteI do have a spare phone here if you would like to have it as an alternative for her and it is a touch and android but you would need to get a payg sim on three to go with it.